jueves, mayo 25, 2017
I am not what I am not
It was while I was living in France when I heard for the first time that I was a non-white. I was living in a small town next to a lake where my roommate from Brooklyn and I were, according to her, the only non-white people there.
"Do you realize that you and I are the only ones who are not white?" She said one day. I didn't understand what she meant, when she noticed my confusion about it she asked "What do you think you are?" I said "I don't know, Mexican? a woman?." And indeed I didn't have an answer to her question because I honestly didn't understand it. She didn't understand either how come I didn't understand something that simple. I remember how astonished and upset I was for defining myself in a negative way, for being something after not being something.
It was clearer for me when in New York, in SVA I had to filled the paper and specify what kind of non-white person I was.
While I was in New York, I stayed for a while at my former France roommate's place in Brooklyn. In a dinner her mom said to me "Z told me about your reaction when she told you you were non-white, and I was surprised also," then she added "But I think that should be the most natural reaction...we just don't see it anymore."